Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
