I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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