I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
