Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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