this just has baby written all over it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
