I am in a vortex of obligation.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
