You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
