The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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