I cockslap morals
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
not ubering you a puppy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
