he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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