Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
