He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If that was your dad, he is hot
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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