I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
