And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
