He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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