Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize