2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Alive.
So much puke
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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