So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this will be a night to untag.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
