ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
