remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
