apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
