What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
