i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
