piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
