My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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