At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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