we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
