I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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