her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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