They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
