I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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