She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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