He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
