Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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