I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
