my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
