Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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