I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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