I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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