she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
