it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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