If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
