i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
