I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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