i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
