you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
