I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
