Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
