definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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