It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk is a universal language darling
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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