well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
