their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
