the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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