the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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