I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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