take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
