my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
