you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize