id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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