That's intense
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
