I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
