Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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