eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize