Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
