If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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