I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I did not marry a roomba.
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