the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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