Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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