"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
