when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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