i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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