Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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