Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're too hungover to prance.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
