Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
